Before I dive into the good stuff, let me tell you a little story about self care and burnout. Also, fair warning: This post is a little silly, but the techniques are completely serious.

Our “Week From Hell”

In February 2018, we had three children in our home. Two were older (a boy and a girl between 6 and 8), and the youngest was an infant. To be honest, we were overwhelmed – and that’s putting it mildly.

We were new foster parents (and new parents), and we went from just the two of us to taking care of three children within three months of receiving our license. The baby never slept, which left us exhausted. We felt like failures because the older kids weren’t bonding with us like we’d hoped (we had unrealistic expectations). And all three kids had some trauma and/or health-related issues. To top it all off, one of the case workers had a personal vendetta against us and was literally trying to have us “fired as foster parents” (her words).

The Long-Awaited Date Night

But in February, we had our first date night in months. Our parents were watching the baby while my sister had a sleepover for the older kids and my nieces. We were soooo excited. The plan was dinner and a movie, and then coming home for the first full night of sleep in about 7 months.

And then we got a call from my sister. Our daughter had a fever of 102. We were in the middle of dinner, so my sister told us to finish eating before we came home.

And that was the beginning of what we now refer to as “the week from hell.” (Though I don’t know why because it actually lasted about two months. But the first week was the worst.)

Our daughter had the flu, and eventually all the kids got it. And it was the most awful flu I’ve ever seen.

The next day, my older son woke up screaming “Somebody help me! I’m dying!” Then he puked on my husband. My daughter was running a 105 fever. {She claimed she felt fine and just wanted a cheeseburger, which still makes me chuckle when I think about it.}

Pass the vapors! I got the pleurisy!

Despite our best quarantine attempts, the baby got it. Then I got some sickness that was diagnosed as the flu and then mycoplasma with bronchitis. I’m still not sure which one it actually was, but I ended up with pleurisy (Google it. It hurts like heck.), and I coughed so hard over the next couple of months that I dislocated a rib a few times.

Anyway….all this to say that I completely understand overwhelm. I was absolutely exhausted. I was the type of tired where waking up in the morning feels like you never went to sleep at all; everything still aches, and you feel just as exhausted as you did hours before. And I’m sure my husband felt the same way.

We hadn’t taken care of ourselves, so the flu knocked us on our butts.

Why Self Care Is Important

Self care and stress go hand-in-hand. It’s pretty simple, really: If you don’t take care of yourself, you feel more stressed. Eventually, you’ll experience burnout, which is basically just a dignified way of having an adult-sized temper tantrum where you no longer have control of your emotions or your reactions. (Which is exactly what happened, btw. I spent a whole day crying and ranting to anyone who would listen. I’m not proud of it, but it happened.)

Stress alone won’t kill you, but it’s not the best feeling in the world, and it can lead to some pretty terrible physical conditions.

So, what does self care look like? How can you practice self care while also balancing your kids, your house, your pets, your plants, and your will to live? I’m so glad you asked. Here are a few suggestions:

1. Take a lazy walk.

A lazy walk is not the same as exercise. Exercise has a goal of becoming more fit, or at least proving that your body can still move. (Spoiler alert: Mine can’t.)

A lazy walk is more about observing your surroundings and enjoying the fresh air.

When you take a lazy walk, the goal is to walk as slowly as possible without getting bored. (Though bored is better than anxious.) Just meander here and there, stopping to enjoy the roses, the neighbor’s ugly lawn ornament, or whatever comes across your path.

The goal is to walk for at least five minutes, but if you feel like you may pass out, it’s best to head home sooner.

2. Reduce noise and distractions.

Everyone needs a bit of quiet time. Some people need it even more than others.

Here are some ideas:

• Hide in a closet.
• Drive around aimlessly while you listen to music from your high school years and wonder what happened to your youth.
• Make your kids take their own quiet time. Send them to their beds to rest for five minutes, then lie down and eat some chocolate.
• Tell your spouse, parent, friend, neighbor, mailman, or dog that you have to “run some errands.” Leave them with your kids. Then go to Target, grab some coffee, and hit the home section. (Don’t act like you’ve never done this. Also, please don’t leave your children with your dog. That was a joke.)
• Go sit in the bathroom and turn on the shower so you can’t hear your children scream outside the door.
• Go to church. Did you know they have free childcare? It’s also realllyyyy quiet, and the people there will pray for you.

3. Try grounding techniques.

Grounding is a way to bring your racing thoughts to a standstill.

Experts recommend trying the 5-4-3-2-1 technique. First, you find five things you can see and name them. Then four things you can feel, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste.

The method works great for me, but it usually goes a bit differently than suggested:

I look for five things I can see. There’s a pile of dirty laundry in my living room, so I think about how I need to wash it. I forget the grounding exercise, grab the pile of dirty laundry, and take it to the laundry room.

Once there, I forget the laundry and notice the dog’s food bowl is empty. Then I realize I can’t find the dog. And BAM! just like that, I’m not stressed anymore.

Try it. It works.

4. Take a long, hot shower.

When I’m especially stressed, I like to take a long, hot shower. I wash my hair, add a deep conditioner, and stand there awkwardly for 10 minutes like the directions suggest on the back of the bottle.

Eventually, I get bored and start contemplating the most random philosophical questions and practicing arguments in my head with other people. I always win.

Twenty minutes later, the water turns cold and I remember to get out of the shower. But I’ll be danged if I don’t feel less anxious.

5. Drink A LOT of water.

This is the one I forget the most, and let me tell ya, a dehydration headache is absolutely miserable.

So I suggest bringing a bottle of water everywhere you go and aiming to drink water all day long.

How do you know you’ve drunk enough? Your pee should be clear, and you should be annoyed because you’re peeing so frequently. As soon as you say, “Dang, I have to pee again?!” you’re properly hydrated.

If you wet your pants then you’ve drank too much and/or accidentally switched to hard liquor.

6. Meditate. or fall asleep. it’s whatever.

Meditation is the act of concentrating your thoughts so you learn to control them.

A typical meditation session consists of focusing on your breath, then focusing on the sounds around you, then focusing on your body, then letting your mind wander before you repeat the first few steps again. When you open your eyes, you feel refreshed.

However, there’s another technique, too. You close your eyes, focus on your breath, fall asleep, and wake up 10 minutes later wondering what the heck just happened.

Either way, you feel better afterwards.

7. Clean your room.

I realize that most of my readers aren’t 12, so this one may seem a bit odd, but hear me out: You and I both know that you’re not going to clean your whole house to reduce anxiety. In fact, one might argue that me telling you to clean your house would actually increase your anxiety, which is the opposite of what we’re trying to achieve here.

So, instead I’m going to recommend that you concentrate your efforts on one room. I like to clean my bedroom so I can lie down afterwards, but you can pick whichever room you love most. (Am I the only one who has a favorite room of the house?)

8. Get some sunshine.

Go look in the mirror for a second. Does the face staring back at you look human, or does it slightly resemble the face of a vampire? Either way, a little sunshine couldn’t hurt.

Head outside for a few minutes of sunshine (experts recommend 10-30 minutes of direct midday sunlight several times a week). You should aim for 10 minutes if you burn easily and skip the exercise altogether if you have a phobia of the sun (which apparently is a real thing).

9. Add a little music.

Music makes everything better, doesn’t it? Have you ever wished you had a personal soundtrack to your life? Yeah, me neither…

I’m not sure what you’re doing right now, but I can almost guarantee it would be better with a little music. (If you’re in the dentist’s chair waiting for a tooth extraction, might I suggest “Comfortably Numb” by Pink Floyd? You’ll be out cold after the anesthesia, but the dentist will enjoy it.)

10. Spray a happy scent.

Smell is directly linked to emotions, so spray a bit of your favorite perfume and light a candle.

Just be careful not to spray too much or burn too many candles. Otherwise, people will hate you and your house will burn down and your life will be ruined and you’ll have no one to blame but yourself.

Are you feeling better yet?